A Very Badger Snowdown
by HoneyBadgerDCFF
Summary: When a certain Summoner meets Elise at a bar, shenanigans ensue as the two unlikely companions share a Snowdown that neither will ever forget! What happens? Read to find out! For my main readers, this is supposed to be cute and funny, and it isn't canon in anything else I write haha. Thanks to SapheraLacroix for your wonderful help, and to you, Killian, for editing for me! Enjoy!


A lone Summoner sat at the counter of his favorite eatery. Lights decorated the various edges and walls of the room, brilliant hues of reds and blues and greens bringing a festive vibe to the otherwise sublime atmosphere.

It was Snowdown, and Snowdown meant presents, good friends, and holiday cheer all around.

For this Summoner, though, sat by himself in the quiet bar, all he wanted out of the season was to eat a delicious sandwich and its accompanying side.

"Hey Rumble," He called out to the Yordle behind the counter, "Let's turn on a League match eh? I think Noxus and Demacia are having a match," He said.

The Yordle nodded and clicked on a button on his cash register. Immediately, the hextech TV above the counter flickered on. Several of the patrons turned their heads to see the battle. Garen, Lux, Shyvana, Vayne and Galio were fighting to the death with Darius, Katarina, Sion, Draven and Morgana. The battles were fierce, but the Noxians were taking a turn for the worse as Sion was ripped to shreds by Shyvana's dragon form.

The Summoner, always one to watch the matches, happily munched his sandwich while enjoying the view. His attention was turned, however, when he heard an entrancing voice from beside him.

"Rumble, let me have a bloody spider," it said, almost teasingly.

The Summoner turned his head, only to go wide eyed. Unbelievably, Elise, the Spider Queen, was sitting on the stool next to him. Her eyes glowed in the dim lighting of the establishment, her elegant features and… Well.. Noticeable body, standing out from everything else around him.

He must've been staring, because suddenly she turned to him.

"Do you see something you like?" She purred, winking at him.

"Oh, no, sorry," He replied, then realized that may have been rude as she raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, no, apologies if I was staring, Champion Elise, I was just rather shocked to see you here in such a… Typical? Place. I thought Champions tended to go to more uh, economically higher establishments," He said, innocently sipping at his drink.

She smiled as her drink came to her hand, "Ah yes, well, one doesn't normally scour the land for recruits to a cult in higher establishments. I'm afraid that, should someone of true importance disappear, I may gather bad press."

"You mean like the stories that say you feed people to a giant spider monster?" He said, then covered his mouth. Only Summoners were allowed to know Elise's true colors, it wasn't public information.

Her eyes narrowed, "Indeed. I find that those of higher power when exposed to… my god's love… are more likely to be missed. Missing people breed ugliness and desperate search parties, which results in more trouble for me. I prefer targeting those who won't be missed."

Turning around in her chair, she leaned back on the bar and looked over the room. It was mostly empty, with the exception of a few Summoners, several workmen and a dead-drunk Gragas.

"My, my, slim pickings tonight," He heard her muse to herself as she looked around the room, then turned back to him.

"Speaking of those who won't be missed, Summoner, are you here all by yourself?" She asked, the color of the drink making her lips turn a darker red.

He looked at her, then slowly raised his sandwich again. He could see the agitation in her eyes as he slowly bit it and chewed it before swallowing, then holding it up and taking another bite.

"Are you just stuffing your face because you are alone, and you're afraid of what I'll do to you if you lie?" She asked, looking rather annoyed.

He slowly raised the sandwich again, only for her to evaporate it with a shot of a red bolt of magic.

"Uh, Champion Elise, I just came here to have a chicken sandwich, I don't have any real interest in joining any cults or getting eaten. Since my sandwich is gone, I'm just going to go home…"

As he moved to go, however, he felt himself yanked back. A long trail of spider webbing pried him to the seat as she glared at him.

"Summoner, rudeness is intolerable, and I'm afraid you will now have to be punished for it," She said, a delighted smile on her face, "You look nice and juicy… I bet Vilemaw will enjoy you…"

He looked at her, panicked, "Hey! I'm just a random guy at a bar! There's no need to eat me, or hold me, or whatever, c'mon you can let me go? I'm sure you're not that evil?"

Elise grinned as she moved in close, the other patrons just ignoring her, "Oh my dear little Summoner, I am evil incarnate. You have no idea."

The Summoner unsure as to proceed, decided that he might as well grow a pair and try something. If Elise killed him for being a smartass, it would still be better than getting eaten alive.

"I don't know," He said, suddenly, "I'm actually not convinced. You seem like a normal lady to me. Kinda scary, yeah, and the spider theme is definitely a little… kinky?"

"Kinky? It's to represent a vicious predator that turns your insides into jelly and sucks them out!"

"I don't know, it doesn't really make much sense, after all I can see your boobs and your stomach and whatnot, are you sure you don't wear it to just get a date or something?"

Elise looked at him, flabbergasted.

"I suddenly think feeding you to Vilemaw is a bad idea, it might make him sick. Are you truly suicidal, young man?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Young man? What are you? Three years older than me, tops?"

"Flattery won't get you anywhere," Elise growled, bringing a crimson blast to her hand, "In fact, I've grown tired of hearing your voice.

"Tell you what," He said, pointing at the TV, "If Demacia wins this match, you kill me."

"I can do that if I want to right now?"

"With all these people around? What was that you said about difficulties with people having search parties?"

It occurred to her that, having brought the magic to her hand, she had in fact garnered some attention, including from Rumble, who was speaking to someone through a landline.

She cut off the magic as she willed the spider webbing away, the Summoner got up and took his seat again.

"If Noxus wins, not only do you not kill me but…"

She raised an eyebrow, "But…?"

"Oh! I know! You and I spend Snowdown together!"

She looked at him again, her head cocked to the side, "My god you are insane."

"C'mon. You were right to assume I was alone, and you clearly don't have any plans if you're just looking for murder subjects, and hell, maybe you won't be so bad if you just have some fun!"

Elise's eyes narrowed as she contemplated the proposition, she didn't want a messy murder, and Demacia was winning pretty handily. There was no risk anyway, the summoner was just clearly buying his time.

"Very well, Summoner, you have a d-"

"And if I win you can't hurt me, ever."

She sighed, "Yes, fine, Summoner, we have a d-"

"And you have to be good for the rest of the day!"

"Enough! We have a deal!"

He nodded and shook her hand, both of them turned to witness the match as it went into the mid-time.

* * *

Elise's jaw dropped. Noxus had won in a remarkable victory. All of their towers were destroyed, and their nexus had fallen to fragments, but as the final blow was about to be struck, Darius had seized the day by teleporting into the Demacian's base and smashing their own gem to pieces.

She turned to look at the summoner, who seemed equally shocked at it.

"Son of a bitch I'll kill you!" She snarled, lunging for him.

As her claws reached for him, though, they moved from his throat to his collar.

He looked at her, terrified, as she glared into his eyes.

"Or, rather, I would kill you, but I am afraid a Queen is bound by her honor," She hissed, dropping him to the ground, "You get to live, and i will…"

She had to stop herself from gagging as she spoke, "Spend… Snowdown… With you…"

He grinned ear to ear as he got up then and pulled a list out of his pocket, "Great! You can do all this stuff with me! I was going to do it with a buddy of mine, but he disappeared completely!"

She sighed, "Fine," she muttered, and stood up along with him, "Where are we going?"

"First? To make Snowdown cookies!"

Elise twitched; his cheeriness was already making her sick.

As he walked, she called out to him.

"Summoner!"

"Oh, you don't need the title, my name's Jay! Jay Badger!"

* * *

"Here we are Elise! Morgana's bakery! She was nice enough to let me use it while she went on a lunch break," badger said, cheerily holding the door for the Spider Queen.  
"Why did you drag me here again?" She groaned, bitterly, looking at the pink gloves before her and cringing.

"we're going to make Snowdown cookies! I just need to find some sugar.."  
"Really?" Elise sighed, " I regret this already.."

"Come on Elise, you promised if I won that you'd be good for the day and that you'd celebrate Snowdown with me, this is a part of the deal!"  
"I know...Can I at least make them into Spiders?" The Queen asked, huffing and pulling of her gauntlets.

"wait, those spider hands come off?" He asked, slightly surprised to see soft, feminine hands come out from them.  
"Yes? This is just my attire...You should see me fully undressed.." Elise winked at him, a low, alluring purr in her tone. Before she slammed the gloved onto the table and washed

her hands. She knew how to cook...just... not well...

"Let's leave the clothes on, Elise," badger replied, rather embarrassed from the tease, "lets make our cookies. And sure, feel free to make spiders!"  
"Thank the gods. So...How do we start?" Elise asked, picking up a wooden spoon.

"We need eggs, flour, sugar and water. We also need some butter."  
"Okay, you go get those Summoner. I shall warm this...thing.." Elise looked down at the oven, lighting a match and throwing it into the pile of coals that was in there.

Badger, meanwhile, rubbed his hands together and concentrated. One by one, the ingredients floated into the air next to him, the cold coming from the icebox, the dry coming from the cupboard. Slowly but surely, he willed the correct amount of each ingredient from everything into a large wooden bowl, then sent them back.

"Okay Elise! Time to mix!" He declared, proudly holding up the fruit of his labor.  
" Okay.." Elise slowly moved the mixture around, the bowl soon becoming harder to mix as all of the ingredients came together.

Badger looked over to see the prepared mixture and grinned.

"Perfect! Now," he said, holding up a tray, "pull the mix out with your hands and put it on here. You and I will work together to press the dough flat, then we can shape them!"  
" I have to touch this horrid mess?" Elise clicked her fingers and pulled out a small chunk. " Like this?" she added, and began to roll the dough in her hands.

,"Exactly!" He said, grabbing a bit and pressing it down, "don't be afraid to get a little messy I promise it'll be fun!"  
" Messy? I do that on a daily basis!" She giggled to herself, pressing down the dough and forming a round blob of dough. " Do you have a knife or something?" She asked, "I can cut this into a shape then!"

"No need," he mused, pulling out a drawer from beside him, "morgana keeps a lot of cookie cutters here, uh, don't ask me how I know that," he laughed.

Walking over to her, he held up a small box labeled "Harrowing".

"Here, there are some spider shapes in here!"  
" Great!" The Queen cheered, taking the cutter from him and placing it into the center of the dough blob she made. Pressing down she pulled away the leftover dough. Leaving a spider in place. " I can wait to eat that, how long do these take to cook?"

"about 10 minutes, here, let me just finish my

cuts and we'll pop them in!" He said, sprinkling some sugar on top of his spreads to add a little more sweetness.

Reaching over, he plopped his tray inside of the ever-going oven, Elise's following his own.

"Now we wait!" He declared, brushing his apron. However, Elise remained where she stood, watching the Cookies slowly form.  
" How much longer?" She asked, like an impatient child.

"9 minutes, 30 seconds," Badger replied, watching the clock on the wall. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head.

"Oh I know! Let's have hot cocoa to pass the time!"

Elise looked at him. her face full of disgust.  
" What now?" Adjusting her crown, walking over to where she placed her gauntlets, slipping them over her soft hands. " Cocoa? You mean like the chocolate stuff you drink?"

"Elise, you can't mean to tell me that you've never had cocoa?" Badger asked, shocked, "cocoa is one of the greatest inventions ever!"  
" if I knew, you'd think I'd be asking, Badger?" The Queen replied, looking him up and down.

He didn't bother replying. Immediately, he grabbed milk from the ice box, cocoa powder from the cupboard and two mugs from a shelf. Focusing, he also summoned a bag of marshmallows to his hand.

Mixing the cocoa with the milk in the two cups, he held the bases of them in his palms.

"Ignite," he whispered, casting a weak version of the flame Spell, Elise watching on in interest.

As soon as the brown mixture began to boil, badger dashed for the ice box again, this time grabbing a can of whipped cream. He also again moved to the cupboard to grab chocolate shavings.

Elise watched now, badger moving in a blur, as he sprinkled here and there, sprayed a little cream here, placed a marshmallow there, etc.

Finally, he put all the ingredients back again and moved over to her, a proud smile on his face as he presented Her his art.

"Here, taste!"

Placing the glass to her lips, the Spider Queen did as her asked her. The cream formed around her upper lip, creating an almost comical mustache of Whipped Cream.

" Whoa... This is amazing! Very nice, Summoner!" She rewarded him, a kind smile on her lips, her new facial sweet still there too.

Reaching over, he brushed the cream off her lip with his fingertip, and tasted.

, "Yum! I did a good job, if I do say so myself!" He declared, then took a sip of his own.

he was surprised when she smiled and repeated the action on his own cream mustache.

The two then shyly smiled as they waited for their cookies to be done.  
" Badger...Are they done yet?" She asked him, placing her glass down, licking her lips to get another taste before looking over at the oven. " I think they're burning!"

he smiled as he opened the oven, using his magic to gently levitate the hot tray out. Putting it on the counter, he grinned.

Their cookies were perfect; a nice, fluffy, delicious looking brown edge was on each baked treat.

"Badger, what is your cookie supposed to be?" Elise asked, looking at a rather bizarre looking shape.

"Oh don't worry, you'll see when I decorating it!" Elise nodded, going about her task and making her Spider cookie look like. Well, a spider. Using red and green icing, the only two options available to her in order to make a sickly - yet delicious looking Spider-Cookie.

Badger, meanwhile, went to work on his cookie. Mixing different amounts of each color to get a variety of hues. Moving back and forth, he slowly created a form on his large cookie.

Looking at it, Elise could actually see that his colors were forming the recognizable patterns of her own outfit.  
" You're making...me?" The queen smiled, " How... Sweet of you Badger," Elise giggled, picking up her cookie and showing it to him. " Do you like it?"

"it's really pretty! I like how you did the fangs," he replied, focusing, "and yeah! I'm making you and me Ice skating!" He finished, dabbing frosting on the cookie she couldn't see.

" Why you and me?" She giggled, letting her own fangs price the cookie, taking a bite. "Mow! Rury gewd!"

"Because that's where we are headed next," he replied, a cheeky smile on his face.

Her eyes widened as she chewed, her eyebrows gave him a confused look.

What was this Summoner up too?

* * *

Badger laughed as Elise yelped and grabbed on to his arm, her legs crossing as her feet slid around the ice. She shook as her foot slid again, badgers arm supporting the majority of her weight.

"You okay, Elise?" He asked, smiling softly.

"N-No! This was a horrible idea, a Spider? On ice? Why did I let you talk me into-" The woman slipped again, clutching onto Badger's arm even more, her face buried into his chest. Not wanting to look at the frozen liquid again.

Hey it's okay, you just need a little practice! Here, let me show you," he laughed.

Getting on his knees to help her balance herself again, he straightened her feet and adjusted her legs so that she could stand correctly. Getting back up, he took her by the hand.

"Now, just do what I do," he said, kindly.

" F-Fine." Elise said with a stern voice, watching him carefully. " Hey, you think these blades could chunk out skin? They'd make great weap-" Remembering she had to be 'Nice' for Badger, she paused, sighing before smiling back up at the summoner. " Show me how it's done then, Jay..."

"It's actually really easy, you just get a little bit of a start by moving your feet and gently press off the ground, like this," he said, before moving forward and sliding slowly, "and you can just pick it up from there, whether you want to keep moving really slowly or speed up!"

"Here, try sliding to me."

The woman looked down at her boots, before back up at Badger." I don't think I can do it!" She whined, pushing off with her left foot, slowly bringing up her right.. "IEEEEEE! ..Badger! help!" Elise yelped as she left herself slide..

Badger smiled and shook his head as she covered her eyes and slid on the ice, directly into him. Gently, he tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey, Elise, open your eyes," he teased, moving her hands away.

" Don't make me do it again! It's horrible please I'll be good I swear!" The Queen looked up at him helplessly, " I..I did it?"

"You did it," he said in a congratulatory manner, "you slid right to me! Way to go!"

" C-Can we stop now?" Elise asked, tightly clutching his hands.

"Not yet, we haven't had the fun part yet," he said, smiling. Suddenly, he tugged her hands as he slid towards the center of the ring, pulling her along with him as he did so.

"This is something that we do in the Freljord," he mused to the nervous queen.

" Do I look like I'm from that dumb place?!" Elise growled, however a smile appeared on her lips as she was pulled around.

"Hey the place itself isn't dumb, just some of the people are thick headed. It's so we don't get brain freeze ha-ha. Now, I know you know how to properly waltz?"

" Yes, I do, why?" she answered, holding him tightly,

He smiled as he took her hand and bowed, "because, Queen Elise, I had my reasons for bringing you out here. Now," he said softly as he kissed her hand, "may I have this dance?"

" I um.." Her eyes widened with shock. But nonetheless, she took his hand correctly and nodded. " You may." The Spider queen said with a small smile.

Taking her hand, he softly pulled her towards him as he moved out and about the ice. His hands held hers as he brought her close and moved to the side, their feet (with his lead), sliding gracefully across the frozen surface.

" I still feel like I'm going to fall any second, Summoner." The woman said calmly, looking into his eyes and sometimes her feet as she moved slowly with him.

"If you fall, I will catch you," He whispered as he twirled her, then brought her back in close once more.

"Not everyone in the world is out to get you, Elise, you can trust me to make sure you don't slip again." A small smirk spread her lips, her eyes gazing into his.  
" Badger, there is no need to be so romantic with me just for the festive season.." Elise mentioned to him as they twirled one more time. The Queen's fingers interlocked around his neck, holding them closer.

Suddenly, he spun around and held her up with one hand, her back only a foot off the ground

"Who said I'm doing it just for the season?" He asked, winking and pulling her back up straight.  
" As if you have a chance.." Elise teased him, going back to her dark tone for merely a second and placing her hands on his shoulders when they rose again. The Champion moved her feet forward, growing in confidence as they moved around.

"You've been flirting with me all day, and considering you haven't so much as scratched me, let alone made good on your threat to kill me, I'd say my chances are good." He mused.  
" Well, you said I had to be nice. This is nice.. right?" A giggle filled the space between them, Elise stopping in a pose, finishing their dance. " I'm choosing to think that was okay...Unless you wish to go for another dance?"

Pulling her in close again, his green eyes met her scarlet ones, "would you scratch me if you could?" He asked, his forehead against her own.  
" You have no idea.." She purred lowly, " Depends where you want me to scratch." Elise cooed, playing with his hair for a moment, letting the hair grow heated before pulling away. " Did you plan anything else for us to do today, Summoner?" She asked, keeping her hand on his shoulder and doing a small lap around him as he stood.

"There is one more thing that comes to mind..."

* * *

Badger let out a delighted little "MMM!" As he put the hot marshmallow in his mouth, "I love roasted marshmallows!" The figure of Elise nodded,  
" Ish...sticky…in..mah .mouf.." She said with a confused expression, unable to talk or even chew with the soft cotton in her mouth. Her cheeks pushing out much like a chipmunk. The red hues of her eyes focusing on her nose as she tried her best to move her mouth to chew.

Badger couldn't help but laugh as he watched her struggle with it, "Come on Elise, haven't you ever had marshmallows before? They're classic Snowdown food!" In response, Elise shook her head, using her hand to cover her mouth in order to open her mouth to chew easier.

Badger just grinned as he popped another marshmallow on a stick and put it over the fire, his eyes occasionally moving back to her puffed out cheeks.

"Y'know, you're kind of cute when you're fluffy," he mused.

" MHN!" She yelled in disgust. Swallowing the marshmallow after a fight with her own jaw, " I'm no where near cute! I'm the Queen of Spiders! The shadow Isles!" Elise pouted at him. Snatching another soft chew from the bag and implying it on the stick roughly. " Cute my ass.." She grumbled, trying to be 'tough' about the comment.

He just smiled as he watched her. It was funny, Elise, as a champion, was quite terrifying really. He had been unsure about spending the day with her, but he hadn't really thought about her as a person. He had to admit, she could be cruel and vicious, but maybe she wasn't that bad of a person before the spider, maybe she still wasn't.

"Shit."

He was broken from his thought by her hiss, her marshmallow had melted off and was now at the bottom of the fire.

"would you like some help?" He asked, softly.  
" No! No! I've got this." She nodded happily, plucking another and placing it over the fire.  
he winced as it also caught flame and crumbled into the blaze. Watching her take another one, he slowly moved behind her and moved his hands to her wrists.

"Here, let me help," he said, smiling.

" Fine, But I'll do the next one. I'm not a child, therefore I don't need help with everything." The woman responded allowing Badger to take a gentle hold of her wrists adjusting her grip so the Marshmallow wouldn't burn to shreds right away.

He leaned in on her shoulder as he held her arm steady, he smiled as he watched the item slowly turn a light shade of brown.

" Is it done yet?" She asked, growing bored of the task, just wanting to eat the sweet before her.

Badger gave it a moment before he nodded and helped her pull it back.

"Now, taste," he said, helping her pull the stick back and move it to her lips.  
" nom." Was heard as Elise wrapped her pale. rouge lips around the soft, warm treat. " Ish good.." She mumbled again, a smile filling her lips. This tasted better than thought! She'd surely have to take some back home with her after she'd finished with the summoner this evening.

"Good right?" He asked, seeing the pleasure on her face from eating the warm treat, "I-" he paused as he touched her, feeling her shiver at his finger tip.  
" You're cold! Don't touch me!" The Queen giggled as she shuffled away, sharing a small glare between them both.

He laughed as he reached into his bag and pulled out a blanket. Spreading it over her, he raised an eyebrow as she tugged it over her shoulders tightly.  
" Alright...maybe I was cold.." She looked away, embarrassed, why was she allowing this Summoner to care for her like this. It truly was disgusting...but...It felt nice.  
" Jay.." Elise began, using his forename for a change. " How _are _you being so kind?"

"Pardon?" He asked, giving her a confused look.  
" You're being really nice, to me that is. I thought you'd take more advantage of me being like this. I'm rather surprised you took us on...well a date as it seems.."

"Oh. Well... I figured you just shouldn't be alone on Snowdown. Since you've been so great all day, I wanted to show you a good time. I wasn't trying to make it a date... I was just trying to do some classic holiday activities, I guess I got carried away, sorry about that ha-ha," he said, rubbing the back of his head.

" Summoner. It's alright." Elise cooed to him. " I've umm… I've enjoyed today. Apart from the Ice Dancing. Never again!" She shot daggers at him, before moving back next to him. " There are no Mash...pillow things left. What shall we do now? I vote we let the fire burn out before anything.." The Queen of Spiders said warmly, patting the space next to her so he would move closer.

"Alright," he said, taking the spot next to her, "what would you like to do while we wait for the fire to die?"  
" Enjoy the peace." She said softly, leaning to rest her head on his shoulder and moving the blanket over the both of them," You wouldn't think the chatter of all my children actually gets annoying.."

"I wouldn't know, ha-ha, I think spiders are pretty but I try not to get close to them."

It occurred to him that she was so close to him now, her head on his shoulder, her body so close he could feel her breaths.

"You uh... I.."  
" What's wrong...isn't this what you wanted?" Elise asked, a small pinkish hue was dusted lightly on her cheeks as her eyes looked into his own.

. "I just wanted to spread some kindness to someone whom I thought needed it, and maybe get some in return. I was really afraid I'd have to spend Snowdown alone, and I thank you for that, but I uh, I didn't expect this..." He replied.  
" I'm sorry.." Elise pulled away, watching the fire. " Your kindness is warmly accepted, I should add."

"You can put your head on me though... I didn't say I didn't like it..."  
" Make up your mind you fool!" Elise growled, her arms crossing as she looked at him.

"Well, I guess if you insist?"

Suddenly, she felt something warm on her forehead, right beneath the edge of her crown. On her chin was his thumb, holding her in place as he kissed the spot right above her nose.

"Sorry," he blushed, "I couldn't help myself."  
" Wh-...What was that?" Elise asked… bewildered by the sudden display of affection towards her. Suddenly, little flakes of snow began to fill the air around them as the fire's warmth seemed to grow.

"I... I'm sorry I..."

"You are a very strange man," She replied before smiling.

Elise reached forward, placing her hands either sides of his face; cupping it gently. She pulled him forward and pressed her lips softly to his own. Remaining there for a moment before pulling away.

"Happy Snowdown, Badger,"


End file.
